I’m glorygirl01 — 24 now. A mom. A partner. A survivor. And yes, I live with genital HSV1.

This isn’t a pity piece. I’m not here to shock you or beg for your empathy. I’m here because I promised myself that if I ever found peace in this skin — this body I used to dissociate from — I’d speak for the version of me who couldn’t. I’d write it all down for the scared ones, the silent ones, the ones who felt ruined by something they never asked for. If even one person reads this and starts to unlearn the shame they’ve been handed — then this story matters.

I used to think I was broken. That I carried something inside me that made me unlovable, dirty, wrong. For a long time, I didn’t have the words for it — just a knot in my gut that tightened every time I looked in the mirror or lay in silence too long. I knew something had happened. I remembered just enough. The way his mouth looked. That cold sore. My fear.

When I got my herpes diagnosis, I wasn’t shocked. By then I’d already lived with it for years — unknowingly, but also completely aware in the way only survivors are. My body had been telling me long before any test result ever did. I didn’t need a lab to tell me the truth — I carried it in my cells, in my memory, in the deep knowing that never left.

This story isn’t just about herpes. It’s about trauma, and how it shapes the way we walk through the world. It’s about living in a body that never forgot what was done to it. A body that’s endured — and somehow, still found space for love, motherhood, and healing.

I’m not here to give you a pretty redemption arc. Healing is never linear. But I’m here, and I’m honest. And that counts for something.

## **The Day the Body Spoke Back**

My first outbreak came quietly. It was 2019. Just a single, visible spot — so small, so isolated, it almost didn’t register. It didn’t hurt. Not in the sharp, physical way I thought it might. But emotionally? It cracked something open that I had sealed shut years ago.

That’s the thing about trauma: it never really disappears. It sits in the body like sediment, waiting for the slightest shift to stir it back to the surface.

The moment I saw that blister, I didn’t just see a skin irritation — I saw *him*. I was 11, maybe 12, when he assaulted me. I remember his face. I remember the cold sore on his lip. At the time, I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t even have the vocabulary to name what was happening to me. But my body knew. It *registered* the violence. And it held onto that memory like a time capsule under the skin.

For almost six years after that first outbreak, I lived in a strange limbo. No flare-ups. No diagnosis. No peace of mind. Just the constant, quiet hum of uncertainty. I didn’t tell many people. I wasn’t even sure what to say. I kept wondering: Was I imagining this? Was it real? Was I just being paranoid?

Then came the second outbreak — subtle, again. Barely there. But enough to reawaken that lingering question. This time, I went to get tested. For once, I needed answers that didn’t come just from my gut.

The result came back: **HSV1, genitally**. Just as I had suspected. Just as my body had been trying to tell me for years. The confirmation should have brought clarity, but it hit like a flood. Not because I didn’t already know — but because I had spent so long trying *not* to know. And now it was real. Documented. Labeled. Tangible.

And worst of all, it was tied directly to a moment I would give anything to erase.

It’s strange — the way our bodies hold truth, even when our minds try to run from it. How something that seems invisible, silent, even dormant, can suddenly show up like a message from a younger self you tried so hard to forget.

That outbreak wasn’t just the return of a virus. It was the day my body spoke back. Not in anger. Not in shame. Just in truth. And from that truth, I finally began to reckon with what had happened — and what it means to live with something you didn’t choose.

## **When the Diagnosis Isn’t the Worst Part**

Telling someone you have herpes is like handing them a grenade and praying they don’t pull the pin. It’s not just disclosure — it’s exposure. You're not just saying, *“This is a virus I carry,”* you're really saying, *“This is something I’ve internalized shame about, something I’ve been told makes me unclean, something that I’ve been made to believe could make me unlovable.”* And then you wait to see if they confirm those fears — or reject them.

I was terrified to tell my partner. Absolutely wrecked with anxiety. I rehearsed the conversation over and over in my head — playing every worst-case scenario. I imagined him going silent. Disgust flickering across his face. Him pulling away — physically, emotionally, permanently. I imagined him shrinking me down to a diagnosis, reducing me to something to avoid.

But when I finally told him, bracing myself for the impact… he didn’t flinch. He looked at me, really looked at me, and said:

**“If the choice is never seeing you again or getting a shot full of it in my arm, I’ll take the shot.”**

And just like that, something cracked open inside me again — but this time, it wasn’t fear. It was relief. It was softness. It was the shock of being met with love where I expected judgment. I cried. Not because I was ashamed. But because I had been holding my breath for so long, assuming the worst, and instead I was held — emotionally, tenderly, fully.

That moment did more for my healing than anything a doctor had ever said. Because truthfully? The healthcare system had been part of the harm. I was once told, in an emergency room, without proper testing or even a second of eye contact: *“Yeah, it looks like herpes.”* And that was it. No education. No compassion. No care plan. Just a brusque assumption and a prescription — like I was just another chart to close out before lunch.

That was the real trauma. Not just the virus. But the way I was treated — like a cautionary tale, like something to hurry past. I was left holding this life-altering truth with no context, no support, and nowhere to put the fear.

So when someone I loved looked me in the eyes and chose me anyway? That felt revolutionary. That felt like reclamation.

Because the diagnosis wasn’t the worst part.
The shame was.
And love — real love — helped me unlearn it.

## **The Myth of Contamination**

There’s this pervasive, insidious myth that herpes makes you dangerous. That you’re a walking threat. That your body is a ticking time bomb of transmission — something to be feared, avoided, sanitized. It's the kind of myth that seeps in quietly, shaping how you see yourself even before you realize it. Suddenly you're not just a person with a diagnosis — you're a warning sign. You're *dirty.* *Untouchable.*

But here’s the truth: I have a daughter. A healthy, hilarious, thriving three-year-old who lights up every room she walks into. I gave birth to her vaginally — and no, she doesn’t have herpes. Not a trace. And my ex-husband? We were together for six years. We never used protection. I wasn’t even on daily antivirals for most of that time. He’s negative too.

So where does that leave the myth?

It leaves it in the dust, exactly where it belongs.

Because herpes isn’t the monster people think it is. Yes, it’s a virus. Yes, it lives in your body. But so do so many things. Colds. The flu. Even chickenpox, which, by the way, is in the same virus family. We don’t shame people for that. We don’t tell them their worth ends with a positive result.

And yet, with herpes, the shame is louder than the science. People assume you’re reckless. Irresponsible. Promiscuous. Like you’re a cautionary tale instead of a full human being. But the reality is far more nuanced — and far more hopeful.

You can live a full, joyous, sexy, safe life with herpes. You can have kids. You can experience pleasure. You can have slow mornings and hot nights. You can laugh until your stomach hurts, cry in someone’s arms, and feel so deeply loved by someone who doesn’t see you as a risk, but as a *person* — someone complex, worthy, radiant.

You are not broken. You are not ruined. You are not a contagion.

You are a body with a story. A story that keeps going.
Even when it’s been rewritten a few times.
Even when you’re still stitching yourself back together.
And *especially* then.

## **Stigma Is the Real Disease**

The hardest part of living with herpes isn’t the virus itself. It’s everything that comes *with* it — or rather, everything that’s been *put* on it. The weight of a million whispers. The jokes. The misinformed warnings. The idea that you’re somehow less — less clean, less worthy, less deserving of gentleness. That’s the part that cuts the deepest.

Because the virus? It’s manageable. It flares, it fades. It’s a medical condition. But the *story* attached to it — that’s the real infection. That’s what spreads the fastest and settles the deepest. Not in the body, but in the mind. In how we see ourselves. In how others see us.

It tells you you’re dirty. That you’re reckless. That you must have been careless, or worse — that you deserved it. It takes a virus that *billions* of people live with and turns it into a moral failure.

That’s what isolates you. That’s what leaves you crying on your bathroom floor, not the virus itself.

I remember a story my partner once told me — about a dog he’d had growing up. She unknowingly had herpes, and when she had puppies, all but one of them died from it. The one who lived had lifelong disabilities. That story haunted me. Not because I’m a dog — obviously — but because I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he looked when he told it. The weight in his voice. The grief. The disgust. I could see how he saw *that* version of herpes. And I was terrified that, now, he’d see me that way too.

As contaminated. As tragic. As something to mourn instead of something to hold.

But he didn’t turn away. He didn’t shrink from me. He didn’t reduce me to a virus or a risk factor or a headline.

He stayed. He saw *me.*

And he chose me — not in spite of everything I carried, but with the full knowledge of it. That moment rewired something in me. Because it showed me what we’re not often shown in stories like this: that love doesn’t evaporate in the face of a diagnosis. That stigma doesn’t have to win.

We are not what the world says about us. We are not the metaphors people attach to our bodies.

Stigma is loud, yes — but truth is louder.
And love? Love is louder still.

## **Resilience Isn’t Clean or Linear — But It’s Mine**

I’m not here to be your “it gets better” mascot. Healing isn’t a neat little arc with a triumphant ending. It’s a mess. It’s circular. Some days you’ll feel like you’re miles ahead, and others you’ll wake up back in the place you swore you’d already clawed your way out of. And that’s okay.

I don’t have all the answers. I still flinch sometimes when I hear certain words. I still hesitate before disclosing. I still feel the weight of what I carry — not the virus, but the silence that came before it. The silence that was forced on me.

But I’m here. I’m still here. And that matters.

I have this virus. I have this story. I have this body that has been through things it never should have had to endure — and yet, every day, it gets up and keeps going. Not because it wants to prove something. Not for applause. Just because it deserves to.

If I could reach back in time and hold that little girl — the one who didn’t scream — I wouldn’t demand her to be louder. I’d wrap her in the gentleness she never got. I’d say:

You didn’t scream because you were scared. Because no one taught you how. Because your body was doing the only thing it knew to do: survive. And that doesn’t make it your fault. Not then. Not now. Not ever.

You will carry something from that day with you forever — yes. But it will not ruin you. It will not rot you from the inside. It will shape you, but it won’t define you. You’ll still get to laugh so hard you snort. You’ll still dance barefoot in your living room. You’ll still have sex. Real, joyful, consenting sex. You’ll still fall in love — and be loved back. Fully. Without flinching.

You’ll become a mom. A partner. A person who tells their truth out loud, not for attention, but for release. For connection. For the girl you used to be and for someone else who needs to know they’re not alone.

And one day, someone will look at you — virus and all, trauma and all — and say:
“I want you. Still. Especially.”

And you’ll believe them.
Not all at once, but little by little.
That’s what resilience looks like. Not pretty. Not perfect.
But real. And mine.

## **And So, I Keep Going**

I’m not writing this because I want attention. I’m writing this because silence breeds shame — and I’ve lived in that silence long enough to know how heavy it can be.

Herpes isn’t shameful. It’s common. It’s human. And yet we treat it like a moral failure, like a scarlet letter branded onto our worth. But the truth is, herpes isn’t the end of anything — not your joy, not your intimacy, not your future. If anything, it can be the beginning of something radically honest. And I want to tell my story so others don’t have to carry theirs alone in the dark.

Getting a diagnosis didn’t ruin my life. What ruined me — for a while — was everything I thought it meant. That I was dirty. Undesirable. Damaged. I internalized every whisper and joke and cautionary tale. I wore that stigma like a second skin.

But over time, I started to peel it off.

Because here’s the truth: herpes didn’t make me reckless. It didn’t make me nasty. It didn’t make me less of a mother, less of a partner, or less of a person.
What it made me was this:

* **Different** — because now I move through the world with a new kind of awareness, a deeper understanding of how fragile and resilient our bodies can be.
* **Brave** — because I’ve chosen to speak aloud what so many are taught to hide.
* **Honest** — because pretending would only put more distance between me and the life I want.
* **Strong** — because strength isn’t about being untouched or perfect. It’s about showing up, every day, exactly as you are.

This virus didn’t define me. But how I chose to live with it — that’s part of my story.
And it’s not a story of shame. It’s a story of survival. Of softness. Of strength.

So I keep going.

For the version of me who once felt unlovable.
For the people reading this who might still feel that way.
For anyone who needs to hear: *you are not alone, you are not disgusting, and you are not broken*.

You are still whole.
You are still wanted.
And you still get to have a beautiful life.

**Also Read: Man's** [**<u>herpes experience</u>**](https://www.shamelesspath.com/blog/std-stories/leaving-cheating-husband-diagnosed-with-hsv2) **(age 43)**

<p>I’m not broken — I’m a mom, a partner, and a survivor living with genital HSV-1. This is my truth, and I’m finally ready to speak it.</p>

I Got Genital HSV-1 from Childhood Assault. Here’s Why I’m Finally Talking About It.

I’m not broken — I’m a mom, a partner, and a survivor living with genital HSV-1. This is my truth, and I’m finally ready to speak it.

I Got Genital HSV-1 from Childhood Assault. Here’s Why I’m Finally Talking About It.

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