Facing Syphilis: My Journey Towards Healing Before Getting Married

My name is Triton, and I’m a 29-year-old man. My story began in July 2024, a moment in time that I will always remember as a turning point in my life. Up until then, I had been leading a somewhat carefree lifestyle, indulging in random hookups, mostly oral, and often ignoring the importance of protection. But one decision changed everything.

A week after engaging in my first unprotected sexual encounter, paranoia took hold of me. I had always feared the possibility of contracting something serious, but this time, the fear was overwhelming. I decided to get tested, and the results brought a mix of relief and concern. While tests for HIV and HPV came back negative, my VDRL test showed a reactive result with a 1:4 dilution. I was diagnosed with syphilis.

The journey that followed has been one of self-discovery, responsibility, and resilience. It has not only reshaped how I view my health but also how I approach relationships, intimacy, and self-care. Sharing this story is my way of helping others understand the importance of testing, treatment, and awareness.

In this article, you’ll hear my story in my own words, answering questions that delve deep into my experiences, emotions, and lessons learned. Let’s start at the beginning, where it all began.

Can You Describe What Motivated You to Get Tested for Syphilis in July 2024?

To be completely honest, I was terrified. For the first time in my life, I had engaged in unprotected penetration, and that decision haunted me. Before this, my sexual experiences were mostly oral, and I had never given much thought to the risks. But this time felt different. Something about it stirred a deep sense of paranoia within me.

I remember replaying the encounter in my mind over and over. What if something went wrong? What if I had exposed myself to an STI? These thoughts consumed me to the point where I couldn’t focus on anything else. That’s when I decided I needed answers.

I booked an appointment and went through the standard tests. As I waited for the results, I felt a strange mix of fear and hope. Part of me believed I was overreacting, but the other part braced for the worst. When the doctor told me my VDRL test was reactive, I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. But I was determined to address it head-on. It was a wake-up call, one that pushed me to prioritize my health in a way I never had before.

What Were Your Initial Thoughts and Feelings When You Received the Reactive VDRL Result?

When I first heard that my VDRL test was reactive, I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. The paranoia I had before the test didn’t disappear; if anything, it intensified. Initially, my biggest fear was HIV. Even though my HIV test came back negative, I was fixated on the possibility that it could turn positive within the window period. The thought that syphilis made me more vulnerable to contracting HIV only added to my anxiety.

At the same time, I tried to focus on the positives. Syphilis is curable, and the doctor assured me that with proper treatment, I could move past this. Still, I couldn’t shake the worry. The idea of carrying any kind of STI felt like a weight on my shoulders. It wasn’t just about the physical health aspect; it was the stigma, the fear of judgment, and the uncertainty about how this would affect my future relationships.

Despite the worry, I clung to optimism. I told myself this was a temporary setback, something I could overcome with time and proper care. But as the months went by and my test results remained reactive, that initial optimism began to waver. I started questioning everything: Was the treatment working? Had I unknowingly reinfected myself? Would I ever see a non-reactive result? These questions haunted me, but they also motivated me to keep pushing forward and stay informed.

How Did Your Doctor Explain the Results and Treatment Options to You?

When my doctor explained the results to me, he was very straightforward. He confirmed that my VDRL test was reactive, indicating syphilis, and immediately emphasized the importance of starting treatment right away. His demeanor was calm but firm, which reassured me that this condition was manageable and that there was a clear plan to address it.

He recommended penicillin injections as the most effective treatment for syphilis. I was told that the injections would target the infection and prevent it from causing further harm. He also stressed the need to abstain from sexual activity for a while, especially with new or casual partners, to avoid reinfection or spreading the disease to others.

What stood out to me the most was his advice about lifestyle changes. He suggested I limit random hookups and always use protection moving forward. While his words were practical, they also carried a deeper message about taking responsibility for my health and the health of my partners. It was a wake-up call, and I knew I needed to take this seriously if I wanted to move forward.

How Was Your Experience Receiving the Penicillin Shots? Were There Any Side Effects?

When my doctor explained the treatment, he didn’t sugarcoat it—he mentioned that penicillin injections might be painful. Naturally, I braced myself for the worst. I had always been nervous about injections, so hearing this didn’t help. On the day of the treatment, I walked into the clinic with a mix of anxiety and determination.

The process itself was surprisingly quick. The nurse administered two injections, one in each buttock. To my surprise, the pain wasn’t nearly as bad as I had imagined. It was more of a sharp pinch, followed by a dull ache, but nothing unbearable. I remember thinking, “That’s it?” and feeling relieved that the experience wasn’t as daunting as I had feared.

As for side effects, I was fortunate not to experience anything major. Some people report swelling, fever, or allergic reactions, but in my case, there was just mild soreness at the injection sites for a day or two. I felt reassured knowing that the treatment was effective and that the discomfort was a small price to pay for getting rid of the infection.

Reflecting on this part of my journey, I realized how important it was to trust the process and stay committed to my health. The injections marked the beginning of my recovery, both physically and mentally, and I felt proud of myself for taking this step.

What Steps Have You Taken in the Last Five Months to Reduce Risky Behaviors?

Over the past five months, I’ve taken significant steps to change my lifestyle and reduce risky behaviors. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but the diagnosis was a wake-up call that made me realize I needed to be more mindful of my actions.

The first change I made was cutting down on the number of partners I engaged with. Before, I had random encounters almost every month. After my diagnosis, I limited myself to two or three partners, all of whom I trusted and felt comfortable with. While this wasn’t a perfect solution, it was a drastic reduction compared to my previous behavior.

Another important step was being more open about my health status. Although it wasn’t easy, I informed my recent partners about my diagnosis and encouraged them to get tested. This wasn’t just about protecting them but also about creating a sense of shared responsibility. It was my way of ensuring I wasn’t contributing to the spread of the infection.

I also started to educate myself about safe sex practices. While I had always known the basics, I realized how little I actually applied them. Using protection became non-negotiable for me. I invested in condoms and made sure they were always available when needed.

These changes were not just about avoiding reinfection; they were about rebuilding trust in myself and my ability to make responsible decisions. It’s been a journey of accountability, and while I’m not perfect, I’ve come a long way.

When You Went for Your Recent Re-checkup, How Did You Feel About the Results Being Reactive Again?

When I went in for my follow-up test, I was filled with a mix of anticipation and dread. It had been months since my initial diagnosis, and I desperately wanted to hear that my VDRL test was now non-reactive. I had put so much effort into following the treatment plan and making lifestyle changes. Deep down, I was hoping that my hard work would reflect in the results.

When the results came back as reactive again, it felt like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t help but feel defeated, even though I knew intellectually that this could happen. My immediate thought was that I must have done something wrong. Was it because I hadn’t completely stopped having sexual encounters? Did I reinfect myself without realizing it? The self-doubt was overwhelming.

I kept thinking about what my counselor had told me—that it could take a year or more for the results to turn non-reactive, even if I was effectively cured. But hearing it and living it are two very different things. The uncertainty weighed heavily on me, and I began to question whether I would ever see a non-reactive result.

Still, I tried to hold onto some hope. The other tests were negative, which was a small victory. I reminded myself that progress takes time and that the most important thing was to stay consistent with the precautions and advice I had been given.

How Did the Counselor Explain the Possibility of a Persistent Reactive Result, and What Advice Did They Give You?

When I spoke with the counselor, they were patient and understanding. They explained that it’s not uncommon for syphilis tests to remain reactive even after successful treatment. According to them, the body can sometimes retain a detectable antibody response to the infection for years or even for life. This was a revelation to me. I had assumed that curing syphilis would automatically mean a non-reactive test result.

The counselor advised me to wait for at least five more months—making it a total of ten months since my treatment—before repeating the dilution test.

They explained that this waiting period would give my body time to fully process the infection and for the test results to potentially reflect the change. They reassured me that, as long as I wasn’t engaging in risky behavior, the reactive result didn’t necessarily mean reinfection or that the treatment hadn’t worked.

What stayed with me was their emphasis on patience and precaution. They encouraged me to continue practicing safe sex, limit partners, and avoid new exposures to STIs. They also highlighted the importance of not fixating too much on the test results. The real measure of success, they said, was in preventing further transmission and maintaining overall health.

I didn’t mention my recent sexual encounters to the counselor, partly out of shame and partly because I was scared of being judged. In hindsight, I realize that being fully honest might have helped me gain better insights into my situation.

What Has Been the Biggest Challenge for You Throughout This Journey?

The biggest challenge for me has been grappling with the emotional and mental weight of living with an STI diagnosis. Physically, the treatment for syphilis was straightforward, but the psychological impact was much harder to manage. I constantly felt a mix of shame, regret, and fear—shame for contracting the disease, regret for my past actions, and fear of how this might affect my future.

One of the hardest parts was the uncertainty. Knowing that my VDRL results might remain reactive for a long time, or even for life, added a layer of frustration and confusion. Every time I thought about the possibility of transmitting the disease to someone else, it brought an overwhelming sense of responsibility and guilt. It felt like a burden I couldn’t shake, no matter how careful I tried to be.

Another challenge was dealing with my own urges and behaviors. Despite reducing my number of partners, I struggled with fully abstaining from hookups. My sexuality, being heteroromantic bisexual, made it even more complicated as I tried to reconcile my identity with the need to make safer choices. It felt like I was constantly battling myself, trying to resist temptations that had once felt natural to me.

Through it all, I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and to focus on progress rather than perfection. The journey has tested my resilience in ways I never anticipated, but it has also taught me the value of self-awareness and the importance of prioritizing health and safety—for myself and for others.

How Has This Experience Influenced Your Perspective on Relationships and Intimacy?

This journey has completely transformed how I view relationships and intimacy. Before, I often approached connections casually, without considering the deeper implications of my actions. Random hookups felt exciting and liberating, but I rarely thought about the emotional or physical consequences that might follow.

Now, I see relationships in a new light. This experience has made me realize the importance of trust, honesty, and mutual respect. The fear of unintentionally harming someone I care about—whether through emotional fallout or physical health risks—has become a powerful motivator for change. I no longer want to treat intimacy as something fleeting or transactional. Instead, I want it to be meaningful and rooted in mutual understanding.

Being diagnosed with syphilis also forced me to confront my own vulnerabilities. It taught me that intimacy isn’t just about physical connection; it’s about sharing truths, even when they’re uncomfortable. I’ve come to appreciate the courage it takes to be honest about your past and the strength required to build a relationship on transparency.

Another significant change is my approach to self-control and decision-making. As someone who identifies as heteroromantic bisexual, I used to struggle with managing my urges and understanding how they fit into my relationships. Now, I’m more intentional about my actions and more committed to prioritizing my health and the health of my future partner.

How Do You Plan to Approach Conversations About Syphilis With Your Future Spouse?

One of the reasons this topic weighs so heavily on me is that I’m planning to get married within the next year. This life event adds a sense of urgency to resolving my health concerns and preparing for an honest conversation with my future spouse. The idea of talking to my future spouse about syphilis has been one of the most daunting aspects of this journey. Living in a conservative society, where topics like STIs are taboo, makes it even harder. I’ve spent countless nights wondering how to handle this conversation without jeopardizing the trust and bond I hope to build with my partner.

In my mind, the ideal scenario would be to approach this subject after I feel confident in my own understanding of my health. If my VDRL results eventually turn non-reactive, I might feel less pressure to disclose every detail. However, I realize that honesty is key to a strong relationship, and I don’t want to begin a marriage on a foundation of secrecy.

I plan to frame the conversation delicately but truthfully. My goal is to explain how I contracted syphilis, emphasizing that it was a mistake from my past and that I took immediate steps to address it. I’ll also assure my spouse that I am no longer engaging in risky behaviors and that my current health status poses no risk to them.

At the same time, I’m prepared for the possibility that they may have concerns or doubts. I hope to provide them with information, answer their questions, and give them the time and space they need to process everything. My greatest fear is that this disclosure might damage our relationship, but I believe that building trust means being vulnerable, even when it’s uncomfortable.

What Steps Are You Taking to Ensure the Safety of Your Future Partner and Potential Children?

The fact that I’m planning to get married soon has made me even more determined to ensure that I approach this responsibly. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and I want to start it on a foundation of trust and safety. Ensuring the safety of my future partner and any children we might have is a responsibility I take very seriously. This diagnosis has made me hyper-aware of the potential risks involved and the steps I need to take to prevent harm to those I care about.

The first and most important step is avoiding risky encounters altogether. Since my diagnosis, I’ve made a conscious effort to limit my sexual partners to two, both of whom I trust and maintain open communication with. Even in these cases, I am strict about using protection during every encounter. Condoms have become a non-negotiable part of my routine.

Additionally, I am committed to regular medical follow-ups. I want to ensure that my syphilis is completely treated and that I am not carrying any lingering infections. Staying on top of my health gives me the confidence to protect my partner and minimize risks in the future.

When it comes to the possibility of having children, I am taking proactive measures to educate myself. I’ve learned that untreated syphilis can pose severe risks to a baby during pregnancy, including congenital syphilis. To avoid this, I plan to be completely transparent with my partner and consult with medical professionals when the time comes. If I’m ever in a position to have children, I’ll make sure both my partner and I undergo comprehensive testing and follow any recommended precautions.

What Steps Are You Taking to Ensure the Safety of Your Future Partner and Potential Children?

Ensuring the safety of my future partner and any children we might have is a responsibility I take very seriously. This diagnosis has made me hyper-aware of the potential risks involved and the steps I need to take to prevent harm to those I care about.

The first and most important step is avoiding risky encounters altogether. Since my diagnosis, I’ve made a conscious effort to limit my sexual partners to two, both of whom I trust and maintain open communication with. Even in these cases, I am strict about using protection during every encounter. Condoms have become a non-negotiable part of my routine.

Additionally, I am committed to regular medical follow-ups. I want to ensure that my syphilis is completely treated and that I am not carrying any lingering infections. Staying on top of my health gives me the confidence to protect my partner and minimize risks in the future.

When it comes to the possibility of having children, I am taking proactive measures to educate myself. I’ve learned that untreated syphilis can pose severe risks to a baby during pregnancy, including congenital syphilis. To avoid this, I plan to be completely transparent with my partner and consult with medical professionals when the time comes. If I’m ever in a position to have children, I’ll make sure both my partner and I undergo comprehensive testing and follow any recommended precautions.

Ultimately, my goal is to ensure that this chapter of my life does not affect those I love. Through vigilance, open communication, and responsible behavior, I am determined to build a safe and healthy future.

Have You Encountered Any Stigma or Misconceptions About Syphilis That You’d Like to Address?

One of the most surprising things I’ve learned through this journey is how little people understand about syphilis. In many ways, the lack of awareness can be just as damaging as the disease itself. Fortunately, I haven’t faced overt stigma from those I’ve told, but the fear of being judged still looms large.

The first misconception I’d like to address is that syphilis is a disease of the past. Many people I’ve encountered believe that syphilis was eradicated or is no longer relevant. This is far from true—syphilis is still very much a concern worldwide. It’s important to recognize its presence so that people can take precautions and seek treatment if needed.

Another misconception is that contracting syphilis is a sign of promiscuity or moral failure. This stigma is especially damaging because it can prevent people from seeking help out of shame. The reality is that STIs don’t discriminate—they can affect anyone, regardless of their background or lifestyle. I’ve come to realize that education and compassion are the keys to breaking down these harmful stereotypes.

Finally, I’d like to highlight that syphilis is curable when caught early. Many people assume that an STI diagnosis is a lifelong sentence, but that’s not the case for syphilis. With proper treatment, it can be managed and eradicated. This is a message I wish more people understood, as it might encourage them to get tested without fear.

What Advice Would You Give to Someone Who May Be Hesitant to Get Tested or Seek Treatment for Syphilis?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that fear can often be more dangerous than the diagnosis itself. To anyone who is hesitant about getting tested or seeking treatment for syphilis, my advice is simple: don’t let fear hold you back. Taking that first step toward getting tested can save your health and even your life.

The idea of finding out you have an STI can be terrifying—I know because I felt that fear too. But what’s even scarier is the damage syphilis can do if left untreated. It can progress to more severe stages, potentially affecting your vital organs and overall well-being. The good news is that syphilis is entirely curable, especially when detected early. Treatment is straightforward and effective, and you’ll feel so much relief once you’ve taken control of your health.

Another piece of advice I’d offer is to educate yourself. Knowledge is power, and understanding how syphilis works, how it spreads, and how it’s treated can help alleviate the stigma and anxiety surrounding it. Don’t rely on assumptions or misinformation—talk to a medical professional or find reputable sources to learn the facts.

Finally, remember that getting tested isn’t just about you; it’s also about protecting others. By seeking treatment, you’re preventing the spread of the infection to your partners or even, in the case of pregnancy, to your future children. This isn’t just an act of self-care—it’s an act of care for the people in your life.

Looking Back on Your Journey, What Lessons or Insights Would You Like to Share With Others?

Looking back on this journey, one thing stands out clearly: don't take STIs lightly. They are as real as you and me. Even minor STIs, if left untreated, can make you more vulnerable to more serious and life-threatening diseases like AIDS. It's crucial to get tested and treated early, as many of these infections are curable and manageable with the right care.

That said, even if you do get diagnosed with something like AIDS, it's not the end of the world. Modern medicine has come a long way, and all it may take is adding one medication to your daily routine to manage it effectively. The most important lesson I've learned is to take responsibility for your health, address issues as they arise, and never let fear or shame stop you from getting the treatment you need.